Hello!! (:

I'm back from Bangkok, the land of underrated everything.
I love Thailand!! :D

In case you're expecting this to be a self-taken photo-filled post with endless captions that revolve mostly around "Look! Me and xiaowei at MBK!!" and the likes, you're gonna be disappointed.

The downside of hanging out too much with married men is that you are NOT allowed to take any photos with people in them! So here's me testing the photographic capabilities of an iPhone 3Gs:


This was taken at this village where a pregnant woman died
(okay, don't need to say it, I know I'm a shit story teller)





4 Faced Buddha Statuette in Town near a fabulous Club 21 Shopping Center :D





King Number 5 Monument!!
So cute right, the horse got flower (:

That's not what I wanted to say though.
There are no toilets there! So be warned.


Oh!! HAHAHHA check this out, you can donate COFFINS.
Steady anot, like that?!

Got cert somemore leh!! :D
unfortuntely, mine caught fire ):





&you can set birdiez free :D


But all in all, it was a pretty good (shopping) trip,
largely fuelled by the exchange rate.
Also, MY VICTORIA'S SECRETS HAS ARRIVED!! :D
THANKS JEFF!! :D :D

Tendencies that make people cancel your supp card:




New on my playlist!! (:

---

Hey boy how you doing?
Wassup girl, I’m doing good.
想要告訴你一件事情
I don’t know if I should
沒有關係說吧
不要想太多啦
我要譲你知道that I wanna be your girl
一直想要問你想不想rock my world

Don't understnad why i cannot just have A talent.
Just one will be enough! It can be ANYTHING!!

Really, if I even had skill in ANYTHING, i could capitalise on that.

If i was good at singing, I'd be Pavarotti.
If I was good at painting, I'd be Van Gogh.
If I was good at cooking, I'd be Gorden Ramsay

Come on man, seriously,
Even if I was good at beating people up I can be Jackie Chan!!

I just need to find my forte and be FUCKING good at something.

(being unreasonable does not count)

I am soooo obsessed with finding my talent right now.
Maybe if I go for Yoga I will gain enlightenment somehow.

Anyway I have decided to find a job that deals with conservation
(which is something that I am absolutely passionate about)
I cannot petition against child slavery though.
Without these helpful children, even Nikes would cost us 500 per pair.

Oh wait. But that would mean the price of Manolos and Louboutins would drop, right?
Cuase they DON'T make use of children?

Okay I'm confusing myself.
Economics is definitely not my thing.

Okay! Animals it is!!
I hope they allow me to bring Kitty to work :D

OMG HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHA
MY MOTHER'S IPHONE'S NAME IS SUGARBUNNY!!
:D :D :D :D :D

I just realised today when I plugged it into my computer to charge it for her.
Now you know where I get my inane naming qualities from.
Only after I suggested calling my sister Marching did she confess that she almost called me Novembie.
WAH!!! We have so many things in common I find it hard to believe her claims of picking me up from a garbage dump when I was litte.

Anyway, after years of acclimatizing myself to a carbo-less diet,
I have only JUST come to the shocking realisation that there IS something as too skinny!! D: D: D:
it's like having a lifetime's worth of beliefs shattered in one night!!
Remember how you felt when you realised Santa Claus doesn't exist?
This is exactly how it feels like x4 ):
(cause I was around 5 when I found out what a fraud adults are &i'm 22 now)

Fuck!! I was going through my photos when I suddenly realised that my cheekbones are PROTRUDING out of my face from certain angles!! OMFG!!!! I NEED TO GO FOR FACIAL FILLERS!!! ): ): ): Seriously, I don't have that wholesome look anymore leh! you see ah, compare.





I'm gonna end up like that!!! D: D: D:
That's why I need to go for cheek fillers.

Cause If I eat, my thighs will go.
So I will have a still-semi-hollowed out face with insanely fat thighs.

Do ANY of you understand my current predicament AT ALL!?
omg sometimes I swear nobody understands the mental stress I go through.

&btw don't post comments telling me that I can eat as much as I want if I exercise,
cause we all know that's never gonna happen.

For the past 5 years, all attempted exercise sessions have comprised of 200m (max) of brisk walking, followed by a couple of cigarettes and ending with a short walk to the nearest McD's.
There's just something about exercise that makes you CRAVE McDonalds French Fries right?
Or am I the only one as usual?
I dunno, but I think they should BAN yellow and red as a colour scheme forever.
They are such addictive colours.
It's like, exercising is so depressing that my body naturally gravitates towards this explosion of neon-coloured happiness.
I can't help it, it's as if I'm in a trance and the next thing I know, I'm standing right beneath the famous golden arches.

Sian. Plus I don't think my soon-to-be (or not) plastic surgeon is going to encourage my fillers, either ):
I just wrote him back a very angsty email reply after he told me he doesn't want to operate on my nose.
I don't understand WHY plastic surgeons refuse business.
It's like that time HP refused to pierce my eyebrow and even called rival piercing parlours to "not let me ruin my face"
WAH LAU, MY LIFE IS FILLED WITH OBSTACLES!!
ugh! how can he not want to operate on meeeehhhhh?!?!?!?!?!?!!

I already look like a transvestite.
I need a new nose so I can look more like a real girl!! ):

More and more so, I have decided I look like a transvestite.
Pil and Yuan agree. I think it's the extensions and the braces.
Mostly the braces. and the skinniness. And the lack of clothes.

OMGGGGGGGGGGG.

okay i'm sorry, I know i'm ranting, but i'm functioning on a massive lack of sleep and I know if I sleep now I'll never be able to make it to Genting in 2 hours time.

Jack and I are heading up to Genting to recoup our gambling losses.
Remember the last time I said I was damn suay because absolutely NOBODY hits a 8 black in a row streak while playing roulette?

Well guess a-fucking-gain, because last week on Long Jie, we hit FOURTEEN blacks in a row.
Who the fuck hits 14 blacks in a row!?
The probability of that based on
1) Mathematics
2) Physics
3) Will of God
is practically ZERO!!!!

Seriously leh, I should have taken a photo for you to see.
shit like this can only happen to me lor!
And apparently it's contagious, too. hahaha. Poor Jack.

DO NOT GO ON LONG JIE.
It is a fucking "Zei Chuan" - Thief Ship

I have NEVER once won money on Long Jie.
The dealers there are CURSED i tell you.
I usually make it a point to recognise the face of the croupier who takes my money so I can avenge my wallet and bao him the next time I return with more of my life savings, but seriously, it's happened soooooo many times on Long Jie I've absolutely given up/lost track.

Their exit sign should read:
Thank you for coming on board MV Long Jie
We hope to see you again (sucker!!)

Ugh, it was a really bad trip!!

Stranded in the middle of God-knows-where
(seriously, nobody knows where Long Jie is, you gotta take not one but TWO ferries to actually get there)
after having foolishly squandered our entire bankroll,
you can only create your own entertainment whilst waiting for (free) lunch to be served.
(no, really, all meals on board are free)

Exploring the boat is an extremely effective way to burn time
(I'm just lying to myself, we had no money to go for Spa)
At the helm of the top deck are 4 (currently barren) Calamansi trees.

Listen up & Read on!!

This is the reason why .
How to release leftover pent-up angst from losing too much money in too little time:



The breath-taking scenery does not diminish the lack of a 0 at the end of our account balance.


In case you cannot tell what we are doing,
we are trying to decapitate the Calamansi trees.
Hahahahah okay, not really, I was telling Jack that with a name like his,
It's unforgivable that he doesn't know any Kung-fu. Hahahah.



Me *vengeful* "Kick the Calamansi!! Ruin their fungshui!!!"




Exhausting .. but FRUITFUL
No pun intended.



Hahahahah if Jack was a girl I swear we'd already be signing the contracts to be on Bored in Bikinis 2
heh This feature includes how to pose like an adventurer, superman, and Sun Wu Kung (except I came home and realised I was standing on the wrong leg and my hands were totally un-monkey like -_-)

The last photo was hahahah of us running away from the Captain of the ship.
Then after we escaped we realised there was absolutely no need cause he's ang moh and probably knows nuts about fung shui. So to him we're probably disposable teens harvesting his calamansi crop.

If it was a chinese captain, on the other hand, we would probably never have made it onto the ferry back.
We'd be learning through first-hand experience about The Ancient Tradition of Chinese Torture.

Feel free to comment how fabulously skinny my thighs are :D






Moment of extreme boredom having recovered from running down 8 flights of stairs at breakneck speed.
(seriously, if I fell, I would have broken my neck)

Jack "how? Where to now?"
me "DUNNO LAH!! SIANNNNNNNNN .........."
*pause*
me "EH!! CASINO!!!!! " :D
Jack "we got no more bankroll"
me "Nevermind lah, we play jackpot lor!!" :D

Hahahha, fucking degenerate leh.
This is retribution for calling Tz, Alvin, Darren, and the entire gang degenerate gamblers.

I cannot believe I jackpotted all the way to lunch -_-


Just want to highlight the vast difference an expression can make.
Guys, just because your girlfriend usually looks like that,
(see, I can look saccharine sweet too, it's just that I choose not to,
it causes a terrible strain on the eyebrows, pulling your eyelids up for extended hours for that perfect doe-eyed look)
((see what we girls do for you unappreciative men?!?!)


.
.
.

Doesn't mean that she cannot look like
.
.
.
.

THIS.


Do not be deceived.

This is the journey back HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Being broke and hungry
(the meat on the boat looked dodgy, so we didn't touch it)
sure gives you massive streaks of creativity.


Can you see how strong the wind is?
It's blowing my shades and Jack's clothes off!!




Good Jump Shot vs. Gayass Jump Shot
(actually we were both very scared the wind would blow us away when we jumped)


*starts exploring stuff on top deck*
me "eh jack .. only left one thing to do"
Jack "what thing?"
me "MAKE MTV!!!! :D :D :D :D :D"





Keep Me Drowning In Your Love



Sony Ericsson didn't pay me to to advertorials for them,
BUT THIS WAS ALL TAKEN ON A 3MEGAPIXEL CAMERAPHONE!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! CB!!!!
I BOUGHT MY DIGICAM FOR NOTHING!!!!!! D: D:

Before I go I want to show you Miley Cyrus's
PARTY IN THE USA Video.
knn, now I understand why I am not an international superstar.

At 16, I was :


Whereas at 16, she is:


That's why she can do this!!!!!

Damn chio right?!?!
kns!! I WANT TO BE MILEY CYRUS!!

I should have filmed and released a porno at 16.
If I can't be famous, at least let me be rich.
Thank god for all the paedophiles out there,
I just KNEW they'd come in handy someday (:

I've come yet again to another realization why I don't get emotionally involved with people.

I am too naive.

Really, I can believe anything people say without questioning,
simply because I do not lie.
Maybe I am just too straightforward, that's why I expect everybody to function the same way.

I guess inherently I AM aware that people cheat and lie,
and my inbuilt lying/cheating sensor is going into overdrive,
but being the stubborn person that I am,
I choose to see the best in everybody & give people chances over and over again.

Shit.

It's like, choosing to be undiscerning and turning a blind eye to the truth even though it's IN YOUR FACE kinda thing.
I need to wisen up and learn how to play this game better.

If not you'll just end up hurting yourself.
Sometimes in this world it doesn't pay to be too trusting.

I think I deserve alot better, no?

I'm tired of double-guessing and sieving out the truth from bottomless springs of lies.

---

According to you
I'm stupid, I'm useless,
I can't do anything right.

According to you
I'm difficult, hard to please,
forever changing my mind.
I'm a mess in a dress,
can't show up on time,
even if it would save my life.

But according to him
I'm beautiful, incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny, irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.

Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you.

I finally understand why I only hang out with significantly older people.

Younger people simply cannot provide the kind of support and understanding and stability that comes with age!!
Not that I'm the kind who pins blame on the people around me (hahah who am I kidding right, FINE!)

I think it's also because of the lack of paternal involvement and my dad's incredibly irresponsible attitude towards my upbringing and character development that I generally gravitate towards people who can provide and be counted upon in times of stress (always) - in short, the complete opposite of my father.

Growing up in a single-parent family where you see your mom once a fortnight and spend most of your time shuttling in between foster homes and living out of suitcases can be detrimental to the development of any child, particularly one that needs attention as much as I do. I'm not denying the fact that I was a little diva - I hustled for anything I wanted. When you're the product of a broken home, the amount of leeway people give you is astounding.

I'm also not saying that I wasn't surrounded by people who love me 24 hours of the day. It's just that the intrinsic set of values that are supposed to be put in place by your mum and dad just go missing, you know? Big void. You live in a world where you pretty much rule from untop of your pink potty that's covered in power ranger stickers.

You end up fat and spoilt with an impression that people live to serve you - ask for anything and it's as good as yours. So when your mom tells you you don't have to work, you believe it.

I've only come to a realisation a couple of years too late that my mum's been leading a life as sheltered as mine, and real life just isn't all rainbows and butterflies.

Security isn't everywhere you look, stability is scarce. My dad's a bum who can't be bothered to rebuild his construction empire. There pretty much isn't anybody you can count on other than yourself.


&you ask me why I have issues.
pfft.

Quote of the day:

Xiaowei Luo "so how is your job going?"
me "Oh i got fired, as previously predicted. I didn't even hit the 1 month mark lor!!"


Xiaowei " i think you should work in a place that just requires you to sit and laze around all day .. that way you can keep your job FOREVER"

thanks alot Xiaowei.

[EDIT @ 2:53 PM]

Apparently I'm not the only one who's experiencing Work Related Woes,

me "Hey babe, how's it going?"
Aaron "Today's my last day at work!! LET'S GO DRINK!!"
me "LOL. I think i should just forget about working and go attend MTS (Mistress Training School)
Aaron "why cant u ever find a rich single guy arnd ur age ahh loll"
me *supresses eyeroll* "are you talking about yourself, Mr Keppelland's Son?

.. please try to bear in mind that you are officially RETRENCHED as of 5pm today"

kuakuakua.
I love being jobless i swear. hahahahahahah.

I really think it's time to embrace and revel in my inability to hold a job.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH FUCK THIS IS HILARIOUS

ok go to google and type in
"how to secretly"

It should do the auto prediction and you'll see a list of the most commonly googled terms that start with "how to secretly ...."

It's damn funny!! I read it and laugh like mad!!

There's HOW TO SECRETLY:
- get pregnant
-kill a tree
-hypnotize
-flirt with 11 year olds
-kill a dog

I just want to bring your attention to this page.
I swear if you read the answers some of the hapless people give,
you will laugh your quarter-life crisis away. HAHAHAHAHHAHA

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060826153542AAJTWSX

"hire a tree hitman!!"
HAHAHAHAHAHHAH
 

eh should I go Long Jie tmr?

Why is nobody responding to my cooking post?!
Is it not yummy enough?! ): ): ):

okay so maybe i shouldn't turn this into a cooking blog.

Anyways, I have to show you something incredibly unfortunate.


.. OOPS.
It says AM not PM.

uh oh!!
This brings my grand total of flights missed in the past 2 years to a count of 7
- excluding all those private flights I would have had to add to the count if my friends hadn't been nice enough to wait for me.

Anyway I have decided thattttt ..
It's time again to post up my birthday wish list :D

so before I fuck off to clean up my closet and see what I can sell for extra money,

I WOULD LIKE:

Turntables
A Nosejob
Plenty of Juicy Vouchers
or a Supp Card
(actually until now I don't know whether it's referred to as a SUB card or a SUPP card)
((I always factored it down to the standard of english locally))

BAI ME STUFFZ!!!
:D :D :D

perper needs her burfday weeshez.

[EDIT @ 4:33PM]

HAHAHAHAHH EH CHEK THIS OUT,
I can't rip and embed it but you HAVE to check it out or your life is just not worth living anymore.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=101612469859717

And check out these videos hahahaha
I LOVE PHOTOBOOTH PRANKS!! :D





In other news, I have long hair now and I just buang my car!! (:

Long hair nicer hor!?!? :D


Also, I think I'm going to die soon casue I just had this suspicious looking thing that day in my soup.
me "EEEEW, WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!?! If I eat it will I die?!"
Anthony "No, it's good for you, EAT IT!!" :D
me "but it looks funnnyyyyy ..."
Anthony "No, really, jsut eat it, I would eat it but I can't cause I'm already drinking some other soup. If you mix herbal soup, YOU WILL DIE"
me "oh okay fine then"

*chews*

me "bleah. it sucks. I want to die"
Anthony *sings, extremely pleased* "hahahahahah!! YOU ATE CHICKEN TESTICLES!!!"



Obviously I choked on it and died twice on the spot ):
Look at it!! How could I have not known it was animal genitalia?!?!? ):
Chinese people are ALWAYS like that!! ): ): ):

They love cooking animals!! ):
Look at what else they have there!!
I just HAD to show you.






THIS. Is a DEER PENIS.
it is HUGE!!!!!!!! D:


This is the Metropole Herbal Soup something ish thing.
EWK!! EAT THERE AND DIE!!! D: D: D:
unless you close your eyes.

Omg I have just wasted another day doing absolutely ZERO.
my cupboard is not cleaned, my dog is not bathed, and I am not in HK.

My book, 101 Habits of Non-effective People,
will never be published because Habit #1 is Procrastination ):

 

I keep reading all these food receipe sites and wondering how much fucking money they're rolling in for mediocre tasting food - made with overpriced ingredients and most of them requiring you to spend a fortune on a complete sets of baking equipment and a state-of-the art oven with timer and temperature regulator, when in actual fact all we really have to fall back on is a toaster so unreliable that our mothers serve us either bread or carbon for breakfast, nothing in between, &definitely none of that fancy crap like this.

Hello Kitty Toast


My Toast.


*some people have commented that they are incredibly tired of blogs where girls post pictures of waht they had for yesterday night's dinner, but seriously, I promise this is a one off.

So yes. Incredibly short of money, I have decided to capitalise on this blog's popularity and turn it into a food blog.

My blog is super special because it's specially catered (no pun intended) to extremely impoverished starving radicals like me with highly developed taste buds and who's only religion is skinny.

If you cannot appreciate good food, do not proceed further.
If choked arteries scare you, navigate away from this page immediately.
If you think being fat is okay, then this website is not for you.

If you want to look like me, WELCOME :D

Welcome to my website:

COST EFFECTIVE CARBO-LESS COOKING.
The home of S.P.A.M Risotto &Bacon Porridge

Not too bad a name right?
I had a million ideas initially but eventually I whittled it down to either this or
The Destitute's Cookbook.

Which is just plain depressing and makes you sound like you eat tree bark cooked in different methods everyday, so the more explanatory title - cost effective carbo-less cooking - stuck.

But it doesn't matter what I bloody call it,
either way the golden rule is to only add one or two tablespoons of carbs.

Our staples consist largely of:
Canned soup
chilli powder/chilli padi
lots of vegetables
black pepper
coconut milk
butter
hua dao jiu
nutella
chicken stock
beep stockz
a compliant maid
(you need a maid - it's alot easier to get stuff done when you can boss people around)
pei pa kao
(cause sometimes you will have a sore throat after eating my food)
cigarettes
(cause some of it is very gao tasting)
((anyway don't complain, because smoking keeps you skinny and beautiful))
(((YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE ME RIGHT>!?!?!?!)))

Strictly banned items include:
bittergourd bleah
rabbit meat bleah
celery bleah
cilantro BLEAH
cinnalok BLEAHHH
other fucking gross fuck food that we discover on our gastronomical adventure BLEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


hahaah can I just say first that i have ALLLLLLLLL the staples?!
teehee! why do you even think they are up there?! :D

Nevermind they are all reallllly cheap,
none of that fancy stuff, so don't worry, you can get ALLL of it under 10 bucks if you exclude the cigarettes, nutella, and the maid, obviously.

I only just realised how cheap vegetables are.
I bought like a truckload of onions opposite my house that day and it only cost me THIRTY CENTS!!!!! :D :D :D
After about 15 minutes of eagle-eyed picking and choosing by my sister and I,
my conversation with the Uncle went something like that,
me "uncle, how much?"
uncle "30 cents"
me *mentally calculating* "okay, here"
uncle "why you give me $2.10?"
me "seven onions mah!" *shakes bag in his face*
him "30 cents TOTAL"
me and sasa "HUH?!??!!>? OMG 30 CENTS ONLY?!?!?!?! WAHHHHHHHHHHH! :D :D :D"
*face each other, delighted*
sasa "we're RICH!!!!! :D"

me *suspicious* "are you sure it's only 30 cents? Are you trying to cheat me, uncle?"
him *laughing* "really!!!"
me "is it you give me good price because i'm pretty?"
him *laughing* "yes!"
me *grabs sasa, whispers*
"see? I told you, must be pretty!!!!"

I somehow think the Uncle is lying, cause if not I think he'll get fired for offering buy-one-get-six-free onion deals to every pretty girl that walks by. I dunno why his shop doesn't sell cigarettes, cause if he does I'll just pick up seven king-size cartons at one shot &you all can stop wondering why I only ever give you cigarettes for every occasion you celebrate.

But in any case, please remember to wear makeup the next time you go grocery shopping.
Then go to the shop with the most hamsup looking uncle :D

But moving swiftly,
my point is that,
VEGETABLES ARE REALLY CHEAP!! :D

But that is hardly the point.
The good part about The Destitute Cookbook is that you can add expensive food in ANYTIME!!! :D

you know what?
I really cannot be bothered to tell you more so here is today's recipe.

CHAPALANG SOUP

here is how you make chapalang soup.
also known as Chicken Macaroni Soup.

Take all your prepared ingredients
(this is the part where the maid is essential)
you must make her do all the sai gang like boil water and dice chicken and chop vegetables while you kiao ka and occasionally yell "NO!! THAT'S TOO BIG!! I TOLD YOU ALREADY!! I asked God for a rock and he gave me a diamond. I asked for an idiot and he gave me you"

Okay lets not digress anymore, here is the reciepe:

Step 1: make your maid boil sum chikinz in water.
boil boil boil boil boil.
(notice I don't put the amount - this is because you might also have a dog you want to boil chicken for. so if your dog eats alot of chicken, feel free to boil more. and if you want more chikinz in yur soup, boil more. It's really up to you. if you're intending to poison your whole family, boil more also)

Step 2: take the chikin outta de water.

Step 3: Keep the water.

Step 4: Make your maid remove the skin and chop chicken into bite-sized-ish cubes. Or you can also chop big chunks if you think your mouth is very big.

Step 5: Make your maid chop carrots. This one you really gotta chop smaller cause too big and it won't cook, so you'll end up with crunchy carrutz in yer soup. Unless you like crunchy carrots, cut small cubes. *this step is labourous, so if you're not all that keen about carrots or you like them but you're just too lazy, you can leave it out. Opportunity cost, baby!

Step 6: Make her chop long mushrooms. I like them, so you should like them too. So make sure she prepares alot!! :D


Step 7: Make her chop an onion. Once again, volume depends on how much you enjoy it. I'm very easy-going that way.

Step 8: Make her smash some garlic
(chopping is extremely tiresome)
((just smash them, they taste the same))

I don't think this is the way they write great cookbooks ):
so let me just make it easier for you.

Summary of steps 1-7 so far :
Basically, what you should have prepared to this point is,
Boiled Chicken Cubes
Chicken water
Chopped Carrot Cubes
Chopped Mushrooms
Chopped whatever your favourite vegetable is.
you can put celery cubes if you REALLY want. Bleah.
Chopped Onion
Bashed Garlic.

Okay let's continue ..
*bossily*

Step 8: Take butter. Melt it in whatever you want to cook your soup in.
I suggest you do not use a frying pan.

Step 9: Wait to a point where butter is going to be burnt. Quickly throw your onions and garlic in. FASTER!! Add a shitload of black pepper (because I like it)

Step 10: Stir like crazy!! When your ingredients look like they are going to catch fire, faster add in the chicken water if not they will become chaota. I'm serious.

Now, you should have chicken water with onions and garlic and butter and black pepper inside.
Quite easy to follow right? Okay, here comes the hard part.

But also quite senang, cause you can take your own sweet time to do it.
It takes a royal idiot to fuck soup up.
The worst is over.

Step 11: Add chicken cubez and carrotz.

Step 12: Carefully measure out 2 tablespoons of macaroni and put that in as well.
It might look very little, but macaroni grows like crazy, so be warned.

Step 13: Try some soup!! It sucks and is tasteless, so add some chicken stock.


Step 14: Add some Hua Diao Jiu. If you're a fanatic like me or think you can get high on it, add ALOT :D


Step 15: Your soup should be starting to taste awesome sometime about now. Add more black pepper if you want.

Step 16: You can put more butter. Butter rocks!! :D

Step 17: take sum macaroni out and chew it. If it is almost cooked, FASTER ADD THE MUSHROOMS. FASTER!!!! D: D: D: Time is of the chicken essence!

Step 18: Once the mushrooms have started to nua, add evaporated milk!! But not too much cause if not the soup will become very gao ):

Step 19: Add more Hua Diao Jiu!!

Step 20: Chew more macaroni. If it's cooked ... turn off the fire causeeeee,

WE'RE DONE!!! :D :D :D

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE COOKED CHICKEN SOUP IN 20 STEPS!!! :D :D :D

Now, savour the soup of your labour in it's awesome flavour explosion of mind numbing proportions :D

I hope you didn't hurt yourself in the process.
Do it and tell me how much you enjoyed it :D

But don't blame me if you dont eat anything else for the rest of your life.
yeah, it's THAT good.

Wah fuck, okok I summarise what you need ok.
Chicken
Water
Carrots
Onion
Garlic
Long Mushrooms
Hua Diao Jiu
Evaporated Milk
Butter
Black pepper
Macaroni
Chicken Stock

Here, you fucking bums, now go cook and make me proud!!

I'm so resisting the urge to pipe,
"99 points!! Almost as Good as MaMa!!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.
k fuck this shit, those of you who play Cooking MaMa will understand what i'm babbling about.

xx

[EDIT]

I have been alerted that this is an extremely heart attack inducing cookbook - no, not the food, more like the instructions. like with all the !!!! and the FASTER!!! and NOWWWWW!!! s. But the fact is that I am chinese and all chinese people cook fast. There is a reason why hawker center you just wait outside the stall for your charkuaytiao whereas at angmoh places you have to endure your burning gastric for as long as 45 gruelling minutes while they painstakingly baste your chicken.