HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH FUCK THIS IS HILARIOUS

ok go to google and type in
"how to secretly"

It should do the auto prediction and you'll see a list of the most commonly googled terms that start with "how to secretly ...."

It's damn funny!! I read it and laugh like mad!!

There's HOW TO SECRETLY:
- get pregnant
-kill a tree
-hypnotize
-flirt with 11 year olds
-kill a dog

I just want to bring your attention to this page.
I swear if you read the answers some of the hapless people give,
you will laugh your quarter-life crisis away. HAHAHAHAHHAHA

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060826153542AAJTWSX

"hire a tree hitman!!"
HAHAHAHAHAHHAH
 

eh should I go Long Jie tmr?

Why is nobody responding to my cooking post?!
Is it not yummy enough?! ): ): ):

okay so maybe i shouldn't turn this into a cooking blog.

Anyways, I have to show you something incredibly unfortunate.


.. OOPS.
It says AM not PM.

uh oh!!
This brings my grand total of flights missed in the past 2 years to a count of 7
- excluding all those private flights I would have had to add to the count if my friends hadn't been nice enough to wait for me.

Anyway I have decided thattttt ..
It's time again to post up my birthday wish list :D

so before I fuck off to clean up my closet and see what I can sell for extra money,

I WOULD LIKE:

Turntables
A Nosejob
Plenty of Juicy Vouchers
or a Supp Card
(actually until now I don't know whether it's referred to as a SUB card or a SUPP card)
((I always factored it down to the standard of english locally))

BAI ME STUFFZ!!!
:D :D :D

perper needs her burfday weeshez.

[EDIT @ 4:33PM]

HAHAHAHAHH EH CHEK THIS OUT,
I can't rip and embed it but you HAVE to check it out or your life is just not worth living anymore.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=101612469859717

And check out these videos hahahaha
I LOVE PHOTOBOOTH PRANKS!! :D





In other news, I have long hair now and I just buang my car!! (:

Long hair nicer hor!?!? :D


Also, I think I'm going to die soon casue I just had this suspicious looking thing that day in my soup.
me "EEEEW, WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!?! If I eat it will I die?!"
Anthony "No, it's good for you, EAT IT!!" :D
me "but it looks funnnyyyyy ..."
Anthony "No, really, jsut eat it, I would eat it but I can't cause I'm already drinking some other soup. If you mix herbal soup, YOU WILL DIE"
me "oh okay fine then"

*chews*

me "bleah. it sucks. I want to die"
Anthony *sings, extremely pleased* "hahahahahah!! YOU ATE CHICKEN TESTICLES!!!"



Obviously I choked on it and died twice on the spot ):
Look at it!! How could I have not known it was animal genitalia?!?!? ):
Chinese people are ALWAYS like that!! ): ): ):

They love cooking animals!! ):
Look at what else they have there!!
I just HAD to show you.






THIS. Is a DEER PENIS.
it is HUGE!!!!!!!! D:


This is the Metropole Herbal Soup something ish thing.
EWK!! EAT THERE AND DIE!!! D: D: D:
unless you close your eyes.

Omg I have just wasted another day doing absolutely ZERO.
my cupboard is not cleaned, my dog is not bathed, and I am not in HK.

My book, 101 Habits of Non-effective People,
will never be published because Habit #1 is Procrastination ):

 

I keep reading all these food receipe sites and wondering how much fucking money they're rolling in for mediocre tasting food - made with overpriced ingredients and most of them requiring you to spend a fortune on a complete sets of baking equipment and a state-of-the art oven with timer and temperature regulator, when in actual fact all we really have to fall back on is a toaster so unreliable that our mothers serve us either bread or carbon for breakfast, nothing in between, &definitely none of that fancy crap like this.

Hello Kitty Toast


My Toast.


*some people have commented that they are incredibly tired of blogs where girls post pictures of waht they had for yesterday night's dinner, but seriously, I promise this is a one off.

So yes. Incredibly short of money, I have decided to capitalise on this blog's popularity and turn it into a food blog.

My blog is super special because it's specially catered (no pun intended) to extremely impoverished starving radicals like me with highly developed taste buds and who's only religion is skinny.

If you cannot appreciate good food, do not proceed further.
If choked arteries scare you, navigate away from this page immediately.
If you think being fat is okay, then this website is not for you.

If you want to look like me, WELCOME :D

Welcome to my website:

COST EFFECTIVE CARBO-LESS COOKING.
The home of S.P.A.M Risotto &Bacon Porridge

Not too bad a name right?
I had a million ideas initially but eventually I whittled it down to either this or
The Destitute's Cookbook.

Which is just plain depressing and makes you sound like you eat tree bark cooked in different methods everyday, so the more explanatory title - cost effective carbo-less cooking - stuck.

But it doesn't matter what I bloody call it,
either way the golden rule is to only add one or two tablespoons of carbs.

Our staples consist largely of:
Canned soup
chilli powder/chilli padi
lots of vegetables
black pepper
coconut milk
butter
hua dao jiu
nutella
chicken stock
beep stockz
a compliant maid
(you need a maid - it's alot easier to get stuff done when you can boss people around)
pei pa kao
(cause sometimes you will have a sore throat after eating my food)
cigarettes
(cause some of it is very gao tasting)
((anyway don't complain, because smoking keeps you skinny and beautiful))
(((YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE ME RIGHT>!?!?!?!)))

Strictly banned items include:
bittergourd bleah
rabbit meat bleah
celery bleah
cilantro BLEAH
cinnalok BLEAHHH
other fucking gross fuck food that we discover on our gastronomical adventure BLEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


hahaah can I just say first that i have ALLLLLLLLL the staples?!
teehee! why do you even think they are up there?! :D

Nevermind they are all reallllly cheap,
none of that fancy stuff, so don't worry, you can get ALLL of it under 10 bucks if you exclude the cigarettes, nutella, and the maid, obviously.

I only just realised how cheap vegetables are.
I bought like a truckload of onions opposite my house that day and it only cost me THIRTY CENTS!!!!! :D :D :D
After about 15 minutes of eagle-eyed picking and choosing by my sister and I,
my conversation with the Uncle went something like that,
me "uncle, how much?"
uncle "30 cents"
me *mentally calculating* "okay, here"
uncle "why you give me $2.10?"
me "seven onions mah!" *shakes bag in his face*
him "30 cents TOTAL"
me and sasa "HUH?!??!!>? OMG 30 CENTS ONLY?!?!?!?! WAHHHHHHHHHHH! :D :D :D"
*face each other, delighted*
sasa "we're RICH!!!!! :D"

me *suspicious* "are you sure it's only 30 cents? Are you trying to cheat me, uncle?"
him *laughing* "really!!!"
me "is it you give me good price because i'm pretty?"
him *laughing* "yes!"
me *grabs sasa, whispers*
"see? I told you, must be pretty!!!!"

I somehow think the Uncle is lying, cause if not I think he'll get fired for offering buy-one-get-six-free onion deals to every pretty girl that walks by. I dunno why his shop doesn't sell cigarettes, cause if he does I'll just pick up seven king-size cartons at one shot &you all can stop wondering why I only ever give you cigarettes for every occasion you celebrate.

But in any case, please remember to wear makeup the next time you go grocery shopping.
Then go to the shop with the most hamsup looking uncle :D

But moving swiftly,
my point is that,
VEGETABLES ARE REALLY CHEAP!! :D

But that is hardly the point.
The good part about The Destitute Cookbook is that you can add expensive food in ANYTIME!!! :D

you know what?
I really cannot be bothered to tell you more so here is today's recipe.

CHAPALANG SOUP

here is how you make chapalang soup.
also known as Chicken Macaroni Soup.

Take all your prepared ingredients
(this is the part where the maid is essential)
you must make her do all the sai gang like boil water and dice chicken and chop vegetables while you kiao ka and occasionally yell "NO!! THAT'S TOO BIG!! I TOLD YOU ALREADY!! I asked God for a rock and he gave me a diamond. I asked for an idiot and he gave me you"

Okay lets not digress anymore, here is the reciepe:

Step 1: make your maid boil sum chikinz in water.
boil boil boil boil boil.
(notice I don't put the amount - this is because you might also have a dog you want to boil chicken for. so if your dog eats alot of chicken, feel free to boil more. and if you want more chikinz in yur soup, boil more. It's really up to you. if you're intending to poison your whole family, boil more also)

Step 2: take the chikin outta de water.

Step 3: Keep the water.

Step 4: Make your maid remove the skin and chop chicken into bite-sized-ish cubes. Or you can also chop big chunks if you think your mouth is very big.

Step 5: Make your maid chop carrots. This one you really gotta chop smaller cause too big and it won't cook, so you'll end up with crunchy carrutz in yer soup. Unless you like crunchy carrots, cut small cubes. *this step is labourous, so if you're not all that keen about carrots or you like them but you're just too lazy, you can leave it out. Opportunity cost, baby!

Step 6: Make her chop long mushrooms. I like them, so you should like them too. So make sure she prepares alot!! :D


Step 7: Make her chop an onion. Once again, volume depends on how much you enjoy it. I'm very easy-going that way.

Step 8: Make her smash some garlic
(chopping is extremely tiresome)
((just smash them, they taste the same))

I don't think this is the way they write great cookbooks ):
so let me just make it easier for you.

Summary of steps 1-7 so far :
Basically, what you should have prepared to this point is,
Boiled Chicken Cubes
Chicken water
Chopped Carrot Cubes
Chopped Mushrooms
Chopped whatever your favourite vegetable is.
you can put celery cubes if you REALLY want. Bleah.
Chopped Onion
Bashed Garlic.

Okay let's continue ..
*bossily*

Step 8: Take butter. Melt it in whatever you want to cook your soup in.
I suggest you do not use a frying pan.

Step 9: Wait to a point where butter is going to be burnt. Quickly throw your onions and garlic in. FASTER!! Add a shitload of black pepper (because I like it)

Step 10: Stir like crazy!! When your ingredients look like they are going to catch fire, faster add in the chicken water if not they will become chaota. I'm serious.

Now, you should have chicken water with onions and garlic and butter and black pepper inside.
Quite easy to follow right? Okay, here comes the hard part.

But also quite senang, cause you can take your own sweet time to do it.
It takes a royal idiot to fuck soup up.
The worst is over.

Step 11: Add chicken cubez and carrotz.

Step 12: Carefully measure out 2 tablespoons of macaroni and put that in as well.
It might look very little, but macaroni grows like crazy, so be warned.

Step 13: Try some soup!! It sucks and is tasteless, so add some chicken stock.


Step 14: Add some Hua Diao Jiu. If you're a fanatic like me or think you can get high on it, add ALOT :D


Step 15: Your soup should be starting to taste awesome sometime about now. Add more black pepper if you want.

Step 16: You can put more butter. Butter rocks!! :D

Step 17: take sum macaroni out and chew it. If it is almost cooked, FASTER ADD THE MUSHROOMS. FASTER!!!! D: D: D: Time is of the chicken essence!

Step 18: Once the mushrooms have started to nua, add evaporated milk!! But not too much cause if not the soup will become very gao ):

Step 19: Add more Hua Diao Jiu!!

Step 20: Chew more macaroni. If it's cooked ... turn off the fire causeeeee,

WE'RE DONE!!! :D :D :D

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE COOKED CHICKEN SOUP IN 20 STEPS!!! :D :D :D

Now, savour the soup of your labour in it's awesome flavour explosion of mind numbing proportions :D

I hope you didn't hurt yourself in the process.
Do it and tell me how much you enjoyed it :D

But don't blame me if you dont eat anything else for the rest of your life.
yeah, it's THAT good.

Wah fuck, okok I summarise what you need ok.
Chicken
Water
Carrots
Onion
Garlic
Long Mushrooms
Hua Diao Jiu
Evaporated Milk
Butter
Black pepper
Macaroni
Chicken Stock

Here, you fucking bums, now go cook and make me proud!!

I'm so resisting the urge to pipe,
"99 points!! Almost as Good as MaMa!!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.
k fuck this shit, those of you who play Cooking MaMa will understand what i'm babbling about.

xx

[EDIT]

I have been alerted that this is an extremely heart attack inducing cookbook - no, not the food, more like the instructions. like with all the !!!! and the FASTER!!! and NOWWWWW!!! s. But the fact is that I am chinese and all chinese people cook fast. There is a reason why hawker center you just wait outside the stall for your charkuaytiao whereas at angmoh places you have to endure your burning gastric for as long as 45 gruelling minutes while they painstakingly baste your chicken.

I was just minding my own business &placidly wondering to myself which of the following option was the mot practical option of saving legal fees on emancipation from my family:

1) Refusing to abort my kid and being a single mother - higher chance if the kid comes out black.
(quite cool, just like Erin Brokovich type, I think I'd make a great mum, but having a husband AND a kid is out of the question, cause as Yuani very bluntly pointed out, "marry you?! Crazy ah?!!?", so yeah I can only have the kid for now. Maybe next time when I'm more marry-able can upgrade to husband)
But then I thought about it, the kid might have to starve cause I'm really broke and at least 95% of the people who bring me out now will blatantly refuse to being me plus a kid out. So it might die.

Yes, some of you might not be aware, but death from starvation is still an extremely real threat in certain developing countries.

2) I can't remember what Option #2 was, I'm too angry.

But either way BOTH options seemed bleak, neither circumstance would be swayed in my favour, so I decided to take the usual route, namely, harping on something for HOURS on an end til the mother finally explodes and starts hurting me physically (this time maybe she'll emancipate me too, right?)

So I looked desperately around for something I could harass her about.
NOTHING. Except for the glaring lack of food.
(A hungry person is an angry person. Why do you think Jesus made bread and helped people catch fish? Goodwill?! You must be mad)

In summary we started fighting about the maid.
In a very bad turn of events, she flipped the entire conversation around and in a move not unlike one of my favourites, (now you know where I get all ym manupulative genes from) gave me a couple of options to choose from (please bear in mind that these aren't actual options at all - it's like letting you choose how to die. DOES IT FUCKING MATTER HOW YOU DIE?! YOU STILL HAVE TO DIE!!!)

So now, either I :
1) buy her a new maid and guarantee upon my life that she won't steal, abuse SaSa, or get pregnant, else I'll have to not work and stay at home all day and do housework and wash clothes.
2) pay for the utilities for as long as she lives (not long at the rate she's pissing me off)
or 3) fuck off to L.A and don't Skype her.

you see ah, the only real option is option 3.

Lemme tell you why.
1) Indonesian maids like to steal.
Philippino maids like to have sex.
(but their bangla boyfriends have no money to buy condoms and pouring liquid latex on your penis is probably the only way one can possibly experience an otherworldly kind of pain without leaving this one)
I like to abuse my maids and so they take it out on my sister - the comparatively submissive one.
2) It doesn't make sense for me to waste my money paying for the fucking utilities here in Singapore when I could be paying for utilities in L.A, right!?!

see? I told you she's damn crafty.
I can't tell social services that she kicked me out because technically, she DID give me a choice.
WHAT A BITCH.

I has no choice but to choose 2 which leads to 3 since 1 is definitely not going to happen - I'd rather donate my hands to charity than ever using them for washing cutlery.

So I have until the end of the month to get out.
I've decided to quit my job after I get back from HK on saturday night.
Decent living is getting me nowhere.
I've decided to gamble for a living.
Nothing else legal could possibly earn you as much in 29 days and counting (down).

Btw I think I have throat cancer.
Either that or I shouted too much just now.

hahahah that was random.

Anyway my mum really chose a fuckign bad time to piss me off cause I was right in the midst of chopping carrots.
Life Lesson #1: Never pick a fight with someone who's holding a knife.
Life Lesson #2: Biggest knife talks the loudest.
(I think I've been hanging out with Ah Bengs too much)
But anyway, thing is, I turned on her with the knife.

Come on lah, my temper is already so bad, you still want to come and get on my case when I'm busy decapitating vegetables.

I said, "I suggest you put a new lock on your bedroom door before you piss me off unless you wanna go to sleep and never wake up again"

hahah I know it sounds damn funny when you're reading it from behind the safety of your computer screens, but imagine being 3 metres away from a knife wielding maniac whom you've sent for anger management counselling before.

IT IS FUCKING SCARY.

Aiya actually ah, I know I sound damn chipper and like i find the whole situation hilarious,
But if you really, must know, I'm very upset &extremely affected.

But i'm obviously not gonna go on about it here,
firstly because I've never been the kind to talk about emotions,
&secondly because the content will be so out of theme with the cheery elephant template.

You can text me and ask me about it,
But don't call me and offer comfort unless you are Yuani.

For anybody else, please go ahead and talk to me about it ..
.. only if you can offer me a solution.

Not some flaky ass condolence like,
"work hard lor, you'll get there"
cause i swear I will fuck you up like never before.
In that case you obviously don't understand my situation at all.
Fucking READ, bastards.

If you have a business solution, call me.
If you have a gambling formula, call me.
If you know how to get rich quick, call me.
If you have an Emirates BodyPass, call me.
If you have a place you can rent me in NYC, call me.
If you can take care of me, call me.
If you know of any reputable maid agencies, call me.
If you just tio peh pio and are in a generous mood,
PLEASE CALL ME!!!!!

Every day that I drag my heavy feet to work makes me wonder even more about the imbeciles I put up with.

Work is seriously the worst fucking thing I've had to put up with so far.

It's well known as a fact of life how extensive my vocabulary bank is when it comes to expletives &my propensity for profanity, but I've seriously run out of words to use on them.

Mental degredation to the state of a tactless two wear old would not even begin to describe them.
Suddenly, case study for brain eating disease &
Singapore Tourism Board's answer to a local attraction 09'
(only for 09', I can't guarantee you haven't died drowning in the bullshit you spew everyday by next year)
seem like compliments.

I'm sorry for all the people I've ever insulted or backstabbed or bitched/blogged about.
I am truly sorry, you have been outdone.

Honestly, the only thing beneficial thing I get out of a droll day at work (apart from many new email addresses &countless new accounts for absolutely every internet provided service under the sun - yeah, i'm THAAAATT bored) is a mental exercise. You gotta give it to them. These people are reaaallly stretching the limits of my creativity. Everyday I have to come up with new descriptive (and slightly degradatory) to more precisely document this unprecedented lack of human social skills.

&yes, if you must know, it IS daunting trying to come up with something original enough to justify this stifling miasma of absolute EQ-less-ness. It's the ultimate intelligence black hole. I work with Neanderthals. (oh looky here! Another compliment!! To be completely technical about it, they lean more towards the classification of single-celled organisms)

I am so bored this is what I do at work everyday.
Exhibit A: Ngee Ann Polytechnic Post Graduate Survey.
*you MUST read the RETARDED questions they ask and my obviously disgruntled answers.

"I can work effectively in teams and communicate well at work - Strongly Disagree"




I was happily idling away and filling in fucked up answers such as,

When, suddenly, CHEEBYE!!!!!


I thought it was a fucking anonymous survey!!!
FUCK MY LIFE MAN.

---

[EDIT @ 1:27 AM Thursday]

Okay, that was what i thought yesterday.
But everybody has bad days at work right?

K lah to be completely honest they were nice today.
Actually it's just ONE motherfucker that goes out of his way to make my life extra difficult.
For example, on the first day I went to work, they told me they dont have a set lunchtime, but since the big boss wasn't in, the fucker decided at 1215 that whatever time I go out, I HAVE to be back by 1pm. What an asshole right?! He also dictates that we HAVE To be in at work by 9.30, but saunters in at any damn time he likes.

PLUS!! He can go out and buy camera in the middle of the day leh.
That is MAD. Like that I should be able to go out and get my hair done at a time that's better suited for my hairdresser right?!

 Aiya I'm not gonna get annoyed with them,
John Langan has a point,
He is (colleague, not Langan) completely beneath me.

&is also probably the reason why I hate boys.
&why girls turn lesbian. For life.

The shitty thing is that he's actually quite good looking quite tall got the japanese kinda look type leh.
Fucking wasted. Maybe one day when he grows up and moves his sorry ass out of his kaleidescopic world he'll turn into something more resemblant of a proper, functioning, human being.

The rest are actually not too fuckin bad!
They smoke continuously , travel extensively, and have a weakness for online shopping as I do (:

What Amy &I do in our free time.
iPhone Abuse 101:

I dunno what is wrogn with Amy, really.
If you haven't already figured out what this means,

It goes as such,
Even though Bunny loves KittyKateupilleux,
Bunny has to work tmr so she will have enough money in the bank to feed KittyKat
Bunny &You will talk about marriage soon.
Go to sleep baby xx

Then,
Be good and I will give you your present!! Nightnight!!

sucks right,
it's like, messaging for dyslexics.



Speaking of dyslexics,


Here's Mel & I missing our flight to KL.
So we decided to catch the next available flight out.

It was soooo rushed that they had to handwrite my air ticket!!
And then we almost got detained cause apparently they booked two tickets under his name and none under mine. So technically the next time I fill in the Malaysian immigration form, I'm gonna have to tick the box next to 'Have you ever entered Malaysia with a passport that is not under your name?"

It was sososo rushed that we had to radio the boarding gate and get escorted all the way inside cause we couldn't afford to get help up in the immigration queues.

I took this photo WHILE RUNNING, so Amy, stop harping about how shitty the 3Gs camera is.



I think I've bombarded you with enough random photos for today.

Til next time!!

xx

I am dead.
My mom finally agreed to sponsor my working clothes fund.

I just blew it all on Victoria's Secrets lingerie.
FUCK!!!!! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

I actually started out very dutifully loading my shopping cart with Bridget wide-tab workpants in seamless stretch &Pixie Hopkins &Tuxedo shirts BUT THEN.

I got distracted by:

• Level 1: Subtle Lift
• Level 2: Moderate Lift
• Level 3: Dramatic Lift
• Level 4: Extreme Lift
• Level 5: Ultimate Lift

(Shame on you if you clicked on anything less than Level 4)

HOW TO RESIST, YOU TELL ME,
would you rather blow 50 bucks on a pair of boring work pants or reinventing your bust line with zero plastic surgery?!
Obviously I'd rather invest in a pushup bra and save money in the long run (plastic is not cheap!!)
Factor in how I skipped work today an am well on the way back to recurring unemployment,
I don't even think I'd have a job when my pants arrive.

Nevermind. I am now about $1000 in debt (as usual)
If I really get fired I 'll just go live on Long Jie with Jack or something.

I am so fucked.
Sigh I think I shall just go shop again and this time try to be more focused.

Btw is it a bad idea for this year's christmas party's theme to be lingerie?
.. Dunno what Pil's gonna come in, though ;)
hahaha. I'm gonna wear this!!



With awwsum black boots, a Hugh Hefner style satin robe,
& pretty pretty garters.

CUTE RIGHT?!?!!?!?! :D :D :D
I LOVE ME!! :D :D :D

yeah, so I was reading my previous entry &it occurred to me that I might be abit of a brat,
but so what? I think everybody has the right to be a brat as long as their arguments make sense.

&I know mine completely do.

I've also come to realise how emotionally retarded and stoic I am.
I just make people cry and feel absolutely nothing.

How come ah?

At night, these are the things I think about.
This is why I can never get to sleep before 5.

I just don't understand the way I can be so detatched.
Because I know no matter how much I love somebody
- in this case, my mother -
if she really gives me a sufficient amount of money to disappear,
I really will just fuck off and leave her alone forever.

I mean, I don't even think I will look back a second time.
It scares me how I can cut off so brutally and immediately without even blinking.
Okay lah, to be completely honest,
I might shed a couple of tears,
but after I pack and get out,
there's really no going back.

Pretty much the same as all the past relationships I've had, actually.

It just sucks that money is the only thing in my life that's driving me now.
I don't know the monster I've mutated into on this relentless endeavour to earn enough money to get out of this damn country.

That is how much I cannot stay here.
Every morning I wake up depressed and nail-wreckingly desperate to be anywhere but where I am ):

Okay deep down I blame my mother for making me this way.
If she'd just provide sufficiently for me, I would never have pokevolved in the first place.

Seriously, we're talking about somebody who bummed for an entire year because I was
"contented mah! Just stay at home everyday eat instant noodles and watch FRIENDS on DVD lor!!".
Someone who's tagline (apart from "I LOVE KITTY!!! :D :D :D") was,
"Of COURSE I don't want to work! I looooove staying at home! No need money lah!!"

Last week I myself spitting vehemently to Mel that I'd be alot happier if there was a resale market for dads.

I was almost done appropriating my funds, "I'm gonna use 15 grand to buy a car, and maybe another 15 for Juicy Couture, invest 10 in stocks, then the remaining maybe can start franchise ..." when it dawned upon me what a machine I've become.

It's a terrible to wish death upon people so you can use their insurance policy payout to go on holiday :\

There's too much hate going on inside me it's really tearing me apart and ripping the most quintessential part of me to pieces. Getting through the day is like this never-ending battle to keep my mini size 36 feet out of the acid that's slowly corroding away my very core. It's tiring dodging the iron-clad punching fist of reality &I'm really, fucking, exhausted.

Escapism can only take you that far,
there are only that many superficialities you can rave on mindlessly about before the truth catches up with you.
&when it comes it's like this tidal-wave you've been running from for so long.
The feeling sucks cause you've run so far but everything was in vain
cause it still caught up with you in the end :\

I haven't woken up &wished that I hadn't for such a long time now.
I haven't gone to sleep not caring whether or not I wake up for a while now.
&but that was before everything went absolutely off track.

Everything is messed up.

Working is really killing me.
I wasn't kidding when I said not everyone is built the same.

Some people just really weren't made to work ):

More than anything, I just really miss being happy.