i feel like absolute FUCK.

i know i hate people who say that (eg, Pil),
but hor, let me justify myeslf.

my life is really in the dumps.
 

I just wanna fuck off somewhere with an awesome beach or get married to someone who doesn;t care about me, or kill myself.

I don't know why i always do things that are so degenerative to me,
i don't know why i'm trying so hard to stick it out at the zoo even though i'm sleep deprived and half-starved.

I've turned down 4 night jobs that pay relatively much better than my current day one, and i think i'm a twit.
i really don't know what i'm doing.

And the thing is that the Zoo pays so little that I need to work MORE jobs to sustain my lifestyle.
It's really tiring for the fact that i wake up at 6, start work at 8, end work at 6, and then go for my next job at 7 before knocking off at 1, reaching home at 2, getting to bed at 3, and starting the cycle again in 3 hours.

I'm so fucked up right now.


---

work has really fucked me up in a way that nothing else ever has before.
like, it's my first job, it's a new job, it's a tiring job, and I just relaly don;t wanna botch it up, yknw?
but i'm not so sure if i'm cut out for the zoo at all ):
i really prefer working alot less for alot more.

I've realyl put work as my first priority this time, and i think it's a bad idea.
I've fucked up my family relationships, my friends, my girlfriend (now ex), my gastric, my mood, my happiness, Kitty's happiness, and my sleepign pattern. what the fuck right. is it really worth it? Getting my Zouk membership cancelled cause i'm too fucking knackered to club at night anymore? I'm like Midas, the only thing different is I curse everythign i touch (okay, this sounds strangely familiar, i must have said this before .. MANY TIMES)

it's jsut so bad.
Recently I tried to tell this girl how I felt cuase i just really needed to talk,
but then she just completely ignored it.

I hate it when people brush me off.
I hate it when people think i'm stupid, or that my problems are insignificant.
i REALLY. FUCKING. HATE IT.

i am not some ssecond class, undiscerning citizen just because I'm happy enough to take time out to do stuff that I like, right? Even though it seems stupid to some people (who btw, take pride in being serious all the time - that drives me fucking nuts).

aiya whatever lah, fuck off, i really hate your guts right now.
I really hope your legs drop off or your phone spoils or something.
(no, actually I really don't, but i'm just sooooooooo angry at this time, plus i hate you, so.)

everything i just so FUCKED right now.
I'm going to drink. i really need a drink.

i just wanna DIE.