Thank you once again for reminding me how everything in life is transient.
I can't say you made me a better person (because obviously i don't feel like, better right now)
cause i think you've left me worse for wear, like, how i already have trust issues but you made that worse, and my insecurities - which you've further shot to hell. but now's not the time to blame people or point fingers cause i think i made myself that way in the first place. You've just reminded me why i became like that at all. I think you've also pushed my selective hypersensitivity into overdrive. It must have been hell being with me. hahah. And my constant paranoia is something I have to battle everyday.

I think some people just aren't built for normal, functioning relationships.
I think I am one of them.

I would like to think that Kitty can feel my emotions,
but somehow I think that's not happening cause she's busy chewing on a stolen pen.

I just really can't deal with being alone right now.
I would totally fly off to somewhere with an awesome beach if my passport had more than a year's validity on it.
Sadly, it expires on the 1st of November.
Nevermind, I'll revew it over the weekend and see how it goes.

Anyohows, I'm looking for a comfort sleep partner right now,
so if you think you're up for it, please call me.
Please have a reasonably hot bod, a high tolerance for nonsense, and an extremely expandable bank account.
Preferably staying near the Hougang area, but Bukit Timah, Tanglin, St. Martins, Grange, and Cluny is good too.
and yes, you absolutely need to be able to drive.
>27yo = good.

Preferably un-attached with noone in mind.
I really can't deal with cheaters right now.

Thank you!

Friends, please please indulge me for the next week,
no one needs more pampering than me right now (really).

Nothing would please me more at this juncture than to say that i'm as emotionally frigid as a rock,
but honestly, my need for emotion right now is just this yawning black hole in the canvas of my life.

I can lie, it's just that that's too big a lie to tell.

It's good that I've finally gotten back to feeling again,
and from where I am now i'm jsut really afraid to step back into that uber self-deceiving world of hedonism right now.
It would be so so easy to let yourself go, yknw, play the field without a shred of conscience, break hearts every other day of the week, have as many fuck buddies as you want, arm candy at every launch, smoke, drink, party, etc.

It took me so long to regain this level of sanity (by which i mean staying at home to watch DVD, going to the beach and NOT taking photos, wearing pants out (okay i know this sounds weird but I like not wearing pants out), driving around at night to find food, cooking at home), yknw? like the stay at home and be happy hamsters thing?

Yeah I kinda like that but you can't do it by yourself.
nobody fucking stays at home to watch DVDs alone - okay, Zekun does but that's cause he's permanently jobless. Other than that he plays basketball and it's a group thing, SO YOU KINDA GET THE PICTURE. I can't go to the beach alone cause only crazy people do that - my primary school friend's mother did that and then she had no friends (the girl, not the mother - but obviosuly the mother had no friends too, if not why would she go to the beach alone right?). People usually wear pants out, but I only wear pants when i'm going out with somebody to make the person feel better. With no one to restrain me, i'm going to be a raging exhibitionist!! ): Also, driving around alone at night to find food? - C.R.A.Z.Y!!! and if you cook at home alone for yourself to eat that's just sad. You're like a maid already. mgiht as well go work in Indonesia and get paid to do it.

Aiya I am so fucked.
I think I need some alone time but I'm so scared to be alone at the same time
(wow okay, that was a highly confusing sentance with many repeated words)

Okay I just thought of a great summary. I'm sorry if you've just wasted 5 mins reading this entry.
what i meant to say was that i feel very empty.
I'm just trying to fill up my need for love/companionship with extreme superficiality.
okay. more like i'm trying NOT to.

I would much rather have somebody I could do wonderful together stuff with,
but I don't think that's gonna happen becuase .. jsut because life is like that.

You don't get lucky twice.
If i do then i'm REALLY lucky :D
(here we go, another one of my completely redundant sentances. I can already VISUALISE Felix (Tan/Radio Journ/Ngee Ann) attempting to strangle himself with the mic wire or bleeding profusely from the ears with the classic tortured look absolutely branded onto his face when he hears/reads this)

Ya anyway, moving swiftly on, yes.
Want to, but lack of manpower.
(this is not a pun!!! -_-)

I wonder how many normal people out there actually feel like that.
The need to have somebody but cannot find feeling.

Fuckign sucks right.

Same problem as getting a Mac.
Once you Mac, you never go back.

&sweetheart, you were one helluva Mac ;)

I refuse to downgrade to windows.
on a separate note, VISTA SUCKS!!! D: